Relationships...

The past year has been an absolute whirlwind for me. It has been incredibly amazing and sometimes a bit tumultuous. Everything seems to have changed...between going from one child to two, at work to stay at home, one niece and nephew to eight nieces and nephews, health issues, more communication in my marriage (on my part), and an increased self-awareness. I feel like I haven't taken a deep breath in over a year! Being a mom is very, very hard...being a wife is very, very hard...being a sister is very, very hard...being a daughter is very, very hard. Life is hard. I have to admit, I always thought it would be easier. I thought that I had it all figured out. I am very capable of adapting (Thank GOD!!!), but it is still intense! I always joke that one of these days I am going to nap, it is only a joke because I can't nap. I can't seem to settle down enough in the middle of the day to rest. I agree it would be very helpful, but I am so constantly wound up, I just can't figure out how to relax! LOL! Derrick naps every single day he has off, and I just don't understand how he does it?! There is so much to be done, and what if one of the kids wakes up just as I am getting to sleep...that would be aggrevating...so it's just easier not to try.

On a completly seperate issue, over the last year I have began to understand the importance of taking better care of myself. Mom, is a very important job title around our house, so I have been taking better care of myself to ensure that I am sane enough to fulfill the job! After Addi was born, I completly let myself go. I figured Derrick was stuck with me now, so whats the use in putting something other than sweats on everyday. (and make-up...I had no idea what that was at the time!) About a month after Conner was born I was watching a Dr. Phil episode featuring 'the other woman.' You know, the type of woman that the cheating husbands would run to, when their marriages were suffering. Towards the end of the episode Dr. Phil said to one of the wives that their husband fell in love with them when they looked a certain way, and that if the husband comes home to their wife with her sweats and ponytail everyday it could get kind of boring. At first I was completely flabergasted that he would even say such a thing...but then reality set in and I had a 'duh' moment. If my husband comes home and whitnesses the exact same thing everyday, it kind of makes sense that something out of the ordinary (out of the ordinary, meaning anything other than black sweat pants and a wife beater...classy I know!) would get his attention. So why don't I get his attention, before someone else does. Since then I have been trying to take better care of myself. Honestly, it has given me a complete confidence boost too! After you have a child, you no longer feel like a wife, g/f, lover (lmao...it was hard for me to type that) you feel like a mom. For so long I felt if I was taking time for myself, I was taking time away from my kids. I now understand that the occasional 'me' time, leaves me more refreshed and a better and more carefree mother. I am still not able to completely relax, but this is a good start. I figure I can have lots of 'me' time and naps when the kids move out! Only 6,212 days left!