Confrontation...

Dear receding-hair line, ponytail-guy,

When I came out of Wal-Mart and noticed you had decided to park 1 1/2 feet over the yellow line, I was irritated. When I realized there wasn't even enough space to fit my hips between our two vehicles, I was pissed. When you came out of Wal-Mart and noticed me patiently waiting to ream your ass and arrogantly made the quip about how it is difficult getting your big truck in these tiny parking spaces, I thought I might blow a gasket. Your lucky I got the chance to confront you to your face. Had I wrote you a nice love letter about how much I appreciated your gesture, it might have gone something like:

“Dear Asshole,

Thanks for deciding I didn’t need to buckle my screaming child in his car seat today. I’m sure he will very much appreciate that. It’s not my fault your driving a truck, three sizes too big for you. I’m fairly positive that $5 footlong that you just had to have, does not need to be toted around in anything more than a mid-sized sedan. You should probably look into getting a vehicle that fits your driving abilities.

Thanks,

Bitter.”

Who am I to be brilliant?

Someone fantastic uplifted me with a brilliant quote today, so naturally I thought I would share-

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others" -Maryanne Williamson.

Now, don't you feel better after reading that? I did.

20 Questions

I feel like we all need a good laugh, since most of our previous days have been filled with plenty of sorrow. So here is my attempt to return a smile or maybe even a chuckle to your day.
Addi is getting older. With increased age, comes increased awareness of your surroundings (oh, and increased questions). This morning Addi finally asked me about pregnancy, babies, bellies and such. I felt I was deferring all questions quite well, until...."mom how do babies get in your belly...?" Uhm, (insert panic, insert nervous giggles, insert something that might make a bit of sense)..."well, see God puts a baby in your belly." That seemed to-the-point and I thought it was the perfect answer. Then she asked "mom, but how does Jesus put the baby in your belly, I don't think it fits...?" My fabulously, quick-witted answer "MAGIC!" Damn, smooth...not so much...magic, what kind of answer was that? Epic parenting fail! Addi responded with "oh, ok...so Jesus puts a baby in your belly with magic...so he just waives his magic wand and...." I could just see the wheels turning in her head. Poor child is going to grow up wondering while all of the photographic depictions of Christ have left out his...'magic wand'.

Strength

I have attempted over and over again to write a serious blog. A single blog that didn't include a joke or a sarcastic remark, but I can't find it in myself to come up with something meaningful and witty. So that leads me to two conclusions: one, I'm not that kind of writer or two, I'm just that disconnected.

Easy to disconnect.

Women are stereotypically emotional, slow to react creatures, that base judgements on feelings rather than facts. We are supposed to cry when we are hurt, mad or dissatisfied with life. What if I don't cry? What if I don't care?

Ask me a year ago and I would've said this was a positive characteristic that I have grown to develop. Ask me today and I will tell you that it's a form of disconnection with life. There are two types of people that never hurt: one, dead people and two, people that are waist deep in denial and afraid to be hurt.

Finding myself further withdrawn, relying only on myself, afraid to ask anyone for help. Trying everyday to deal with the association between help and dependency. What type of person wants to admit they are dependent upon others? Not I, I'm too strong to ask anyone for help or admit I am afraid. Right? Afraid to rely upon someone else and be disappointed. Afraid to admit I can't conquer the world by myself. Afraid I might not have all of the answers. Afraid someone might see how weak I really am. Afraid someone is better than I. Afraid the people I am said to rely on, will be the same people who can hurt me the most. Afraid to be vulnerable and share a meaningful connection with anyone. Afraid I am a beautiful, stereotypically emotional, slow to react creature, that bases judgements on feelings rather than facts.

Slowly but surely, I am coming around to the fact that I don't need to disassociate from life to be strong. Some of the strongest people I know are so candid and completely transparent. Admitting weaknesses and moving forward. Now I need to do the same. I need to realize that my apparent weaknesses might just be my greatest strengths.

Not so easy to reconnect.

Christina Perri - Jar of Hearts Official Video